Thinking Out Loud
by AmandaEchelon
Summary: There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroad, afraid, confused, without a roadmap. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days. Of course when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back. An odd obsession, a strange attraction, and the standstill that resulted from the collision of the two.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Thinking Out Loud

**Rating: **T-M, depending on the chapter.

**Disclaimer: **If I owned anything Nexus would still be around today.

**A/N (8/14/12): **I'm probably biting off more than I can chew here, but I don't care. This muse just would not leave me alone. Expect a trailer on my YT channel, UseSomebodyxx, and updates will vary since I still have a few more chapters of 'All Fall Down' and its sequel to follow soon. I can't believe how much inspiration these two have given me, but I am forever grateful to you reviewers who have enjoyed these stories thus far. Hopefully I can give you a good another good story with this. Enjoy.

**A/N (Update: 8/19/12): **So the first draft of this chapter was written at 4am while I was delirious and didn't have the gumption to check for spelling or that everything about it was sucky. So I rewrote this chapter in the hopes that it is better than how you originally viewed it. Be sure to go and check out the trailer I posted on my YT Channel, UseSomebodyxx. Enjoy.

* * *

"_In the end, that was the choice you made, and it doesn't matter how hard it was to make it. It matters that you did." –Cassandra Clare, City of Glass_

* * *

"You are mental…you…you are absolutely insane," the inflection of his discontent didn't go unnoticed by the tattooed man sitting in the corner of the room. He'd been repeating the same argument for the past week and it was starting to get tedious. Normally, he would be happy to accept his best friend's advice on matters regarding plans for the new Nexus.

But this was personal, and he wasn't going to budge an inch with this one. So, Punk rolled his eyes once again at the South African. It had become habit when he voiced his opinion on the matter. Of course he didn't think it was a good idea. Justin Gabriel, try has he might to hide it, was soft when it came to these matters. Who could blame him though? He never thought this would be the path his career would take, but as Punk had told him time and time again throughout their friendship; _sometimes you have to make unpopular choices for the good of everyone…including yourself._

His mind made up, the Chicago native simply continued to wrap the white tape around his wrists as Justin paced around the room in front of him. "You've known me for, what? Ten years now?" He said, never looking up from his task. He smiled to himself for a moment, reminiscing on when they'd first met while traveling on the independent circuit.

"Of course I'm crazy."

"But to go this far," Justin stopped pacing at this point and looked over his shoulder at him, "I don't think this is a good idea. What makes you think this is a good idea?"

Groaning at his repeated words he flicked his tongue over the silver piercing adorning the corner of his mouth. He'd given up trying to make Justin see the potential in the plan and found himself in repetition, giving the all too familiar answer.

"I'm the new leader of Nexus…and my decision stands. Everyone, including you, turned their back on Wade Barrett's _leadership_;" he mocked using air quotes, "Why you would ever want to follow that moron is beyond me by the way. But you appointed me to this because you trusted my judgment. Because I could make your careers skyrocket, and this…this is just the first step."

Now it was Justin's turn to roll his eyes. He'd been excited when Punk decided that the group needed to be taken in a new direction and offered to help them soar to new heights in the business. But all the talks of faith, initiation, and strategy hadn't prepared him for this. "So far your decisions as the 'new leader of Nexus' have gotten me is a near beating with a kendo stick."

The memory made Punk chuckle a bit as he looked at Justin slyly, "I knew you wouldn't give Slater the chance to hit you. Plus, he doesn't have the balls to hit you first anyway."

"Just the same," he replied trying to keep an identical smirk from his features, "I would prefer not to think about the repercussions we could face from the entire male locker room or management for what you have planned."

Punk scoffed, "Please, the most we'll have to worry about is John Cena and his twisted code of moral ethics."

The way he dismissed his worries made Justin grit his teeth and massage the bridge of his nose in annoyance. Punk was stubborn and rarely ever wavered when his mind was set on something, and though that was an admirable quality it was one he found himself revering at times. Then again, he should've been used to it by now.

"Why are we doing this?" He finally asked. He'd spent so much time telling his good friend that the idea was crazy but he never stopped to question his motives. The rest of the group had simply accepted that this was the way things were going to be, but Justin…he couldn't let this go.

He waited as the Straight Edge superstar finished marking his tape with his signature 'x' over each hand. He stood and cranked his neck from side to side in order to loosen the tense muscles that resided there before he answered.

"Because…I'm the new leader of Nexus, and my decision stands."

He said it with ease as he walked out the door where the rest of the new Nexus had been waiting and they began to make their journey through the halls toward the arena. He smiled to himself as they neared the gorilla position, knowing the reasons dove deeper then what he was letting on. Punk never did anything without a reason, but not everyone needed to know the true intentions he held, save for Justin. He was sure that if he recollected deep enough, the Capetown Werewolf would come to his senses and come to the realization that all of this…

It was all because of her.

* * *

In life, we all make choices that eventually will come back to haunt us. Whether they affect us in a positive or negative way solely depends upon the other choices we make along the way. For her making the right choice was easy. She had her morals to consider as well as the perception of others who looked to her for guidance.

Lying there on the mat trying to catch her breath after the grueling match she just finished she felt the stares of the fans who looked to her to make the right choices. They also looked to her to put on an amazing match and come out with the victory. She didn't mind the high expectations they held her to however, she lived to be under those lights getting bumps and bruises from her opponents, and whether or not she was cheered or booed for it she didn't care. She was living her dream.

She'd spent her whole life making choices. Pursuing a career in professional wrestling, making her way through the independent scene, signing a contract with World Wrestling Entertainment…those were all choices she'd made on her journey to where she was now. Lying on a mat with possible bruised ribs and a serious headache, but she'd never complain.

"AJ," she didn't need to open her eyes to know it was her best friend Kaitlyn Bonin, "AJ you did it!"

She could hear the elation in her voice which caused her to smile and slowly flutter her eyes open to see Kaitlyn's grinning face hovering over hers while on her knees next to her body.

She winced slightly when she helped her into a sitting position and reached for the back of her neck. Kaitlyn clung to her side with a hug as they watched the raven-haired Maxine screaming at them as she walked back up the ramp. The two friends just smiled and bid her goodbye with a sarcastic wave.

"You okay to stand up?" Kaitlyn asked once the vicious diva disappeared and her gaze returned to her friend. AJ nodded and let the Texas native do most of the work in lifting her up. Leaning against the ropes so she could regain her ability to stand and keep her balance Kaitlyn lifted her hand in victory earning a chorus of cheers from the fans.

That made her smile big hearing the loud pop. Kaitlyn clapped alongside her with a smile of her own. This was the life, her friend by her side cheering her on while she competed, another victory under her belt on Monday Night Raw. Everything was perfect, nothing could possibly go wrong.

_Yeah, Yeah__  
__All I've ever wanted was destiny to be fulfilled_

_It is in my hands, I must not fail, I must not fail__  
__Even through the darkest days_

_This fire burns always_

_This fire burns always_

Kaitlyn rushed to her side as her legs wobbled hearing Killswitch Engage blare throughout the arena. A mix of cheers and boos filled their ears as the group of men emerged wearing black and yellow shirts. They were deliberate with their slow walking, like they always were, slowly causing the fear to build within the two women.

The best friends were frozen against the ropes as the men stood in a solid line at the top of the stage. Husky Harris, Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel, Mason Ryan, David Otunga and Michael McGillicutty all had their serious and intimidating faces on as they stared at the two in the ring. The audience looked on with suspicion as to why the stable would come out after a diva's match. They didn't make a move towards the ring so their intentions were surprisingly unclear.

"Why are they here?" AJ questioned her friend, never taking her eyes off the group. Kaitlyn didn't remove her gaze either as she answer back.

"I-I don't know," AJ felt her tremble.

They should make a break for it, unfortunately the men were blocking the only exit they had and if they tried to escape through the crowd it was likely they would follow after them. Even if the girls were faster they were outnumbered and AJ was too exhausted after her match to run away in fear for her own well-being.

Something was missing though and as if on cue the leader of the New Nexus made his way across the stage to stand in the center of the stable earning another huge mixer of positive and negative feedback from the audience. He wore a huge smirk unlike his counterparts surrounding him and placed his hands over his hips. This caused AJ to pale as she watched him look out at the fans and break into, what she assumed was a maniacal laugh before bringing his gaze back to them in the ring.

"Kaitlyn…" She whispered in fear not knowing what to say. The NXT winner had always been better in a crisis situation but how does a girl deal with one of the most fearsome groups in WWE history. Trying to decide the best course of action she felt Kaitlyn tug her to the furthest corner of the ring. An action obviously done to put some distance between them as well as provide a quick escape if need be.

The two prepared themselves for the worst as CM Punk took two giant steps forward. The others simply stood behind him, possibly awaiting order for attack.

But in a surprising move he didn't say anything. He just started clapping.

The two divas felt their heads tilt automatically at the action. They crazy son of a bitch was clapping and from what they could tell from the tron he was repeating 'good job' over and over as he laughed. CM Punk was praising her victory, albeit in a possibly disingenuous manner.

But why?

It was no secret the man had supposedly lost his mind when he joined/formed the violent group. They'd watched on the monitors backstage as he initiated each man in the group viciously with whips, beat downs, and kendo sticks. His actions now would only further rumors that he was absolutely insane.

Still laughing he began to walk backwards toward the group who, from the looks of things, didn't share in his admiration for the petite diva's win over Maxine. But that didn't matter to him, he just kept clapping as he moved past the men who were flanking him and turned to disappear behind the curtain. The rest began to follow like little soldiers one by one. Justin was the last to leave, and the blonde-brunette didn't miss it when he turned to look over his shoulder for a moment. He was looking directly at her, that much was certain.

A wave of confusion washed over the crowd who began to try to make sense of what they had just witnessed. Murmuring amongst themselves and breaking out in 'What' chants. The New Nexus hadn't attacked the former diva rookies; they didn't demand the two women leave the ring to make some ridiculous proclamations; they didn't do a damn thing.

Bewildered and utterly perplexed Kaitlyn looked the smaller woman at her side. They were still locked in an embrace as they huddled in the corner of the ring.

"What the hell just happened?"

AJ continued to look on the empty stage with her mouth agape and shook her head. Her eyes rapidly blinked as the images of what had just transpired replayed in her mind. Unbeknownst to her best friend, she was thinking back to something a letter she'd found in her back earlier in the evening said.

_But some choices are harder to make than others._


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: **Thinking Out Loud

**Rating:** T-M, depending on the chapter.

**Disclaimer: **If I owned anything, the new Nexus would've taken this exact direction.

**A/N: **I'm really happy with the feedback that the first chapter got and I'm sorry for keeping you waiting this long for chapter two. I hope you all understand that having several stories to write is no easy task and my muse comes and goes with this story often.

That being said, somebody please stop me from taking on another story! I have another story idea thanks to my newest video on my YT Channel and it's just itching to be written. Sigh. I may take on the task but not until I've complete 'All Fall Down' and updated my other stories first.

Anyways, feedback is appreciated. Enjoy.

* * *

"_Heroes are made by the paths they choose, not the powers they are graced with." –Brodi Ashton, Everneath_

* * *

AJ did her best to keep the smile on her face from turning into a grimace as she listened intently. Resisting the urge to roll her eyes, she nodded as the leader of the CeNation continued to fret over her and Kaitlyn after what had just occurred. While most of the divas, Kaitlyn included, swooned like fan-girls over John when he showed them concern; AJ simply loathed it.

She was grateful to him for caring, really, but part of her couldn't stand the whole hero act. And that's what John Cena always exemplified, a white knight. But AJ was no damsel in distress and she resented being treated as such. She had made it this far on her own in life, with the exception of Kaitlyn being by her side the last couple of years, and she knew she could handle any situation that was thrown at her.

Unfortunately, John Cena didn't seem to think so.

"Are you sure you girls are alright?" He asked in that genuine tone he'd always possessed.

Before Kaitlyn could feign a fainting spell that would ultimately lead to John whispering words of comfort in her ear for another hour, AJ stepped between them. Placing a soft hand on his bicep she told him with an assuring voice, "We're fine John, really."

She gave him a gentle smile hoping it would drive the words home and he'd take the hint. She could see Kaitlyn out of the corner of her eye pouting slightly; she'd have to get over it. The small brunette was tired as hell and wanted nothing more than to return to their hotel, read a comic book, and snooze. So the quicker she sent John on his hero crusading way, the sooner she could get to the simple evening she'd been looking forward to since she arrived at the arena.

"This isn't a joke AJ;" he said sternly, "CM Punk doesn't do anything without a motive. He and the new Nexus went out there for a reason and-"

"Oooohhhh, I'm shaking in my converse," she said jokingly, "Seriously John, the Nexus wants nothing to do with Kaitlyn and I. I'm sure they're just trying to keep you on your toes or something; a distraction of some sort."

"April-"

The moment he said her full name in that concerning way she knew she'd never get him to shut up. Thinking quickly she cut him off.

"John, I'm sure Kaitlyn is exhausted after spectating during my match tonight," the blonde scoffed behind her, "and between you and me," she leaned close as if she were telling him a secret but spoke so her fellow Chick Buster could still hear, "she needs a shower."

Turning to look at her friend whose face held a confused and slightly offended expression, she sent her a pleading look unbenounced to the former Dr. of Thuganomics behind her.

Kaitlyn shook her head but nodded regardless, "Yeah, you really break a sweat watching a wrestling match as much as you do wrestling in one."

John released a defeated sigh. "Alright, but if either of you have trouble-"

"You'll be the first one we call," the New Jersey native spoke with warmth. With that she leaned up and placed a kiss against his smooth cheek, "Now go, go and do…whatever it is you do besides wrestle and make jokes."

He gave her his trademark 'make you melt' smile and nodded leaving the divas where he found them in the arena hallway before.

"If I didn't know any better I'd say he has a crush on you," Kaitlyn said nudging her with an elbow.

AJ rolled her eyes as they began the journey back to their locker room. In all honestly, it wasn't the first time the subject was brought to her attention. But she refused to acknowledge the idea and brushed it off as usual.

"Please. He's like my older brother."

"AJ, I've seen your older brother," Kaitlyn joked, "he does _not_ look like that."

AJ laughed and shoved her playfully before they made their way through the locker room door. "I'm sure you would have jumped his bones if he did."

"Duh," the Houston native laughed pulling the mid-drift leopard top she wore for the night over her head once the door clicked shut and the best friends were away from prying eyes.

AJ took a seat on chair next to her bag and began to undo the straps on her studded converse wrestling boots while Kaitlyn wrapped herself in a towel. She barely had the first shoe off her foot when she noticed Kaitlyn eyeing her. Worry etched across her features. The petite diva had to admit she'd been saving her uneasy feelings for a more private venue.

"It's going to be fine Kait," she assured her, knowing the words did nothing to really sooth either of them.

Kaitlyn nodded, excepting her declaration for now. "AJ, does this have anything to do with…" she trailed off when the smaller woman narrowed her eyes a fraction. It was subject she'd refused to come to grips with even though based on what had occurred earlier; she couldn't avoid it for long. But she could avoid it right now.

"We're not going there."

Kaitlyn held up a hand in defense while clutching the towel with the other so it wouldn't fall.

"Whatevs," she said evenly, "I'm going to shower."

AJ arched a brow, "You know I was kidding when I said that to John, right?"

"You know my hatred for hotel showers burns with the light of a thousand suns," she pointed out dramatically.

"The one time Dolph dropped you during shower fucking and you can't forget it?"

It was Kaitlyn's turn to narrow her eyes at the mention of her previous relationship with the self-proclaimed 'Show-Off'. She had her heart broken by the bleach blonde long ago but the shorter woman knew it still stung.

"He dropped me after Vickie walked in and after shoving me out proceeded to lock the door and leave me listen to them bumping uglies instead."

"You didn't have to stay and listen," AJ pointed out.

"My clothes were locked in there with them," she argued turning on her heel to head toward the shower room in the back.

"Fine, but at some point your going to catch varying forms of fungus on your feet," the brunette called after her smiling.

Kaitlyn responded by giving her the finger without looking back and she shook her head going back to removing her boots.

She stretched her toes after relieving her feet of the constricting shoes. Hearing the joints crack she sighed and stood to remove the rest of her gear. She would shower when they got to the hotel since she herself had no qualms with it. Now she just had to wait for Kaitlyn.

Changing into a simple yellow tank that showed a good portion of her navel, she chose a pair of black Nike shorts with a white trim so she could be comfortable and coupled it with a pair of plain black converse so she would match at least a little bit. Reclaiming her seat, she fiddled with her hands for a moment before releasing a shaky breath. Being alone with her thoughts was never a good thing.

She couldn't shake the image of those green eyes staring at her figure in the ring from where he stood on the steel stage. He exuded confidence and intimidation to near perfection. But his appraisal of her victory, in what she was positive was a mocking nature, puzzled her tremendously.

John had been right when he said Punk did nothing without a motive but she brushed it off, successfully hiding her true anxiety. Behind closed doors was a different story, she ran her small hand through her hair sweeping it over her shoulder and glanced back at her black duffel bag. She stood to retrieve the white tri-folded paper she had found there earlier.

Settling back in her chair, she scanned over her initials that were beautifully scripted in black ink on the outside. Wonderful handwriting, horrible man. Two things that always seemed to go hand in hand with him. Sighing, she unfolded the paper to reveal the words it was containing. She'd read it when she found it earlier before the show when she'd left the room to grab a bite from catering and returned to find it laying on top of her bag.

She wondered how it had gotten there but upon reading the letter, it wasn't hard to figure out.

Maybe reading it with a fresh pair of eyes this time would help her to figure out his intentions. She cringed when she read the greeting.

_Crazy Beautiful,_

_You've proven yourself to be a vicious competitor over the last few weeks. I'm quite pleased with what I've seen so far and I cannot wait to watch your match tonight._

_That being said, I wanted to take you on a little trip down…let's say, memory lane._

_You remember don't you? I mean, how could you possibly forget? I surely haven't._

_5 months ago, I watched you faced that Francine chick or whatever her name was and I instantly knew you were something special even if you weren't sure of yourself at the time. Everyone remembers my confession of needing some 'natural dynamite', as you so eloquently put, in my life. _

_Obviously I took the statement to heart because as you can see from my new role as leader of the new Nexus I didn't just acquire dynamite…I acquired an atomic bomb. My only problem now is the remote control I need to drop it in order to wreak destructive havoc._

_But I'm getting off topic. The point is, I haven't forgotten that night. In fact, I remember it like it was yesterday. I think it's important we relive the encounter, but knowing you, you'd never agree. So that just means I'm going to have to take matters…into my own hands._

_I'm just sorry it had to come to this, but some choices are harder to make then others._

_I'll see you soon._

_Yours,_

_Punk_

Nothing changed. There was no revelation. She couldn't find any hint of a clue to his future plans. She only knew she'd be caught in the crossfire. There was no saving herself, but she wouldn't go down without a fight. He wasn't going to get the best of her. She just needed to remain strong.

Too engrossed in the letter, she didn't notice his presence. She didn't even hear him come into the room. She withheld the gasp threatening to escape when she finally realized he was in her private quarters staring at her as she read his words over and over.

She slowly took in his form from head to toe. His yellow kick-pads over the black wrestling boots peaked out from the black sweatpants he'd chosen to wear lately. The black shirt donned his signature hand with an 'x' to mark it in a shade of dark yellow. She noticed the outfit hugged every muscle perfectly as he stood there with his arms and feet crossed while he leaned against the wall.

An aloof but amused expression coated his features as he continued to stare a hole through her.

"Hello AJ."

_Shit._


End file.
